Tag Archives: negotiation

10 ways to get what you want, without violating your conscience (Part 1)

Success as a leader, salesperson or entrepreneur depends on the ability to influence. Whether you are a CEO, salesman or an entrepreneur selling a vision to investors, influencing is how you get what you want.

What tools do you have in your “persuasion toolbox”? There are a variety of principles and tactics that can increase your natural ability to persuade, without sacrificing authenticity or credibility. This is the focus of my post, but before I continue, it’s important to differentiate influence from manipulation.

Manipulation is a short-term strategy relying on power tactics (such as positional authority, fear), dis-honesty and win-lose outcomes. It ultimately benefits neither the manipulator nor the manipulated. Influence is about empathy, changing attitudes and win-win outcomes. These are the ingredients in building a long-term relationship.

People start developing influencing techniques in childhood, which you’ll know all too well if you have kids (must that candy be at the supermarket checkout?).  As we navigate relationships from childhood through adulthood, our most effective tactics get added to the toolbox (e.g. “you scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”). Depending on our experiences and natural influencing abilities, people may use anything from a few favourite “tools” to a broad range of persuasion tactics.

I’m betting that you know a master influencer. If you do, what makes them so effective? How are they different? Chances are they have a high EQ (emotional quotient, the empathy equivalent of IQ) and a VERY full toolbox. The following list of principles work individually, but are even more powerful when used together.

The first 5 principles that need to be in your “persuasion toolbox” are:

  1. The Visibility Principle. People gravitate toward the familiar and are inclined to trust what they know. Conversely, the unknown is generally treated with skepticism. The best persuaders make sure they are very visible, because interaction breeds familiarity. Face-to-face visibility is still the gold standard, but social media is revolutionizing the visibility game. It is now possible to stay on the radar of hundreds of people in parallel through LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter and Google+ by posting valued-added content for your audience and demonstrating authentic interest via “likes”, “shares” and “retweets”. For salespeople, this is already being hailed as the Social Selling Revolution.
  2. The Supply-Control Principle. Any salesperson can tell you that a limited supply of time or benefits is a key influencer (does the Best Buy sales guy really only have one TV left at that price?), when it is credible. This is the law of scarcity, which you have no doubt heard of. The challenge in applying this principle is staying on the right side of manipulation. Artificially limiting supply is a sure-fire way to damage credibility. Think Apple, not the Best Buy sales guy, when applying this principle to increase demand.
  3. The Negative Sensibility Principle. Harrison Monarth described this well in his book Executive Presence: “Research shows the unconscious mind cannot hear and does not process a negative sensibility; this means that the word not doesn’t even register in the mind.” When Bill Clinton said “I am not a racist” during Obama’s campaign, the only words that were heard by the audience were “I am a racist”. “The unconscious mind, which records the entire experience on an emotional level, retains the memory of the word racist.” Master influencers avoid negative labels.
  4. The Authority Principle. People trust information that comes from a perceived authority. Expertise from a credible source fosters trust. If you position yourself as an authority or bring an authority to bear, trust and influence are much easier to achieve.
  5. The Highlighter Principle. Everyone has a natural tendency to focus on what confirms our preconceived ideas and arguments. This isn’t manipulative, it’s just human nature. The problem is that the tendency to highlight can be perceived as manipulation by an audience that disagrees with your message. Effective influencing means controlling the urge to highlight, because a balanced argument is a stronger form of persuasion.

My next post will be on the remaining 5 principles. If you want to read more before then, the book Executive Presence by Harrison Monarth is a great resource for leaders and entrepreneurs looking to improve their presence and influencing abilities. It was also my primary source for this post.

What is your go-to technique for influencing others? Please add yours to my list!

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