If you are a business leader, salesperson or advisor, I bet you’ve walked away from some conversations with clients or employees completely “knackered”, as the Brits say. If so, you may have been attached to something or attempting to control the conversation.
Here are six attachments guaranteed to drain your energy and limit your effectiveness as an advisor:
- The need to be right or look good
- The need to produce a desired result or achieve a certain objective
- The need to be understood or prove your point
- The need to have people agree with you
- The need to avoid being wrong or looking bad
- The need to avoid hearing “no”
Attachments lead to a struggle for power and control. Not surprisingly, struggles are not particularly effective in communication. Barriers to listening go up, creativity evaporates, people feel unheard and you appear inflexible. Effective coaching, selling and consultative advising requires the ability to listen openly, authentically and with 100% focus on the speaker. Even if you win a struggle based on an attachment, you lose.
It’s all too easy to become fixated on a future outcome (we are all guilty of this from time-to-time), such the need to be right or desire to achieve a specific result. Meanwhile, the client or employee is speaking in the present moment. When one abandons future outcomes and joins the other person in the present, it’s possible to achieve amazing results. To create possibilities instead of negativity.
There are books and training that can help you improve your coaching skills. Coaching Sales People Into Sales Champions by Keith Rosen is just one book that I found helpful.
I believe that the coaching philosophy is equality powerful for consultants and managers. If you are a consultant, would you agree ? I welcome your feedback.